© NAMB

Day 85 ~ Question 68 : You did it! How do you feel?

I could legitimately answer this question, but I’m in a rut because of a boy. So I’m not going to. Instead, I’m just going to vent for a second. Boys don’t talk to me first, okay. That never happens. But it did. And maybe it was just the blaring beat of the music and the crazy lighting effects, but I liked him. Bizzarely, it would seem we also have a bit in common, but I suppose that feeling is mostly artificial, since I barely spoke to him at all. He was there and then he disappeared, and for a fucking week I couldn’t really get over his appearance in my life. So I decided, he made the first move to talk to me, so I could attempt the second. And now nothing has happened for a couple days. This is so beyond stupid. This isn’t a movie plot, although it easily could be. I need to get a life.

Day 84 ~ Question 59 : Who seems to always understand you?

These days its hard to say, I feel so separated from the people I met at home. I have to rely on myself knowing whats best for me, with guidance from the ones I miss a lot. Even the closest of us will have our differences, but it’ll just have to be good enough.

Day 83 ~ Question 82 : A memorable event that happened recently?

A bunch of girls on my floor left to go home for the weekend, and of the few of us left here, a good number went partying last night. I, on the other hand, got back from my brother’s at 8:30, and decided to join some of our foreign exchange students in the lounge playing UNO. It was hilarious.

Day 82 ~ Question 29 : Describe your personality.

I’m a little quiet when I first meet people, but I’m very good at listening and asking questions. When I start revealing information about myself without much prompting, you’ll know that I’m interested in developing a friendship. I can be a bit prickly depending on what kind of an attitude I’m getting from whoever I’m talking to, I tend to mirror the other person’s level of excitement and interest. I need alone time to recharge and collect my thoughts, so if I brush you off with a dumb excuse, make sure to check in later and see if I actually don’t want to talk to you or if I just needed some time to myself. I don’t always know where to draw the line with my sass and sarcasm, so it is beyond possible that I may need a minute to re-evaluate my attitude if I’m detecting defensiveness or irritation on the other end. 

Day 81 ~ Question 27 : Do something for yourself today.

I started watching Emergency Couple, which I like so far. It follows the kdrama formula, but isn’t exactly like other kdramas that I’ve seen. I’ll keep watching it in the weeks to come.

Day 80 ~ Question 6 : Best piece of advice you’ve heard?

Take care of yourself. 

Day 79 ~ Question 63 : Have you become the person you’ve always wanted to be?

Not quite yet. But honestly speaking, I was really shocked at how easy it was to get out and do things during Welcome Week. I have no idea if my work this summer helped me or if I was always able to do this. At the same time, I have so much freedom to be whoever I want, that I feel I have to follow some kind of boundary. So despite feeling really free, I have set up expectations of myself that confine what I want to do. I need to figure out how to stop myself from stopping myself. This doesn’t make any sense.

Day 78 ~ Question 64 : When do you feel lonely?

I feel lonely when I realize that I’m at college and all the people I look to for support are miles and miles away. When I realize I’ve forgotten to text or call someone that I miss a lot. When I do call or text or skype them and suddenly just want them there in the room with me again so I can hug them. When I text and don’t get a reply for hours. When I remember that no one here knows my nickname, or anything about me.

Day 77 ~ Question 70 : Are you proud of the progress you’ve made?

Omg you guys I met so many people today and did so many things that I totally wouldn’t have done a year ago I’m so fucking proud of myself. First of all, I met this girl at dinner who is super awesome and has made an effort to include me in what she’s doing and get me to do things I’d like never do (i.e. dance at this party my school threw tonight). Then at the dance I met this cute dude who is nerdy and also really cool. My roommate is pretty chill, which I appreciate greatly. I did so good today. I honestly don’t really miss home yet, which saying that probably just jinxed me, but whatever. My feet hurt and I’m hungry and sweaty. I’m going to go to bed now. I will desperately need a shower in the morning. I haven’t even gone into the community bathroom yet oh lordy.

Day 76 ~ Question 47 : So what’d you do today?

I packed! Holy crap you have no idea though. Worst. I did finally listen to Taemin’s Danger and it is my new favorite song, I put it on before my brother got downstairs, and normally I’d turn off my music if my family came down but I left it on because I really didn’t care what he thought, I liked that song. It took forever to get all my things together and find everything my mom had all over the house and wash my dirty clothes that I wear a lot so I could bring them to school. It really was a lot of work. Tomorrow will probably a bit of a relief, but still stressful. Life won’t really be normal for a week or two, when I get into the swing of my new life. If you are reading this and you are a friend, I could probably do with some relaxed chatting and encouragement. But its really late now and I need to try to sleep. Oh anxiety.